By Ronald E. Keener
In the early 1950s, attendance in Protestant churches in the U.S. mirrored the postwar population: 52 percent female, 48 percent male. Today the typical U.S. worship service draws an adult crowd that’s 61 percent female. Many mainline congregations are two-thirds women. No other religion suffers such a huge gender disparity.
David Murrow [churchformen.org] has studied the gender gap and written his findings in a book titled Why Men Hate Going to Church (Nelson, 2005). The book has become a Christian bestseller with more than 100,000 copies in print. His second book is How Women Help Men Find God. Murrow describes himself as “not a pastor, professor or theologian. I’m just a guy in the pews who noticed a disturbing trend: churches are losing their men and boys.” He spoke with Church Executive about his research and book.
Is the gender gap a U.S. phenomenon or is it worldwide?
It’s a global problem. I recently met with the pastor of a church in Tehran, Iran. Even in this persecuted country, 70 percent of his parishioners are women. I just got an e-mail message from a pastor in the Philippines whose congregation draws 90 percent women.
Why is the gender gap growing?
Today’s church is a warm, nurturing, sweet and accepting place. Rules are out — relationships are in. Congregations bend over backward to be welcoming, open and loving. There’s a heavy emphasis on emotions and personal expression. Christians are expected to read, speak, sing and study. As you look over that list of expectations, you’ll notice that women tend to excel in these areas while men lag. So the modern church offers women what they crave (and what they’re good at) while it fails to offer men the things that resonate with their hearts. In fact, traditionally male traits such as aggression, goal setting, hierarchy and efficiency are often dismissed as sinful or unspiritual. Is it any wonder men and boys take a pass?
Can you cite any specific examples of this?
One obvious shift is the way we offer praise to God. Worship music used to convey respect (A mighty fortress is our God) but now it expresses a tender, almost romantic love (I’m desperate for you, I’m lost without you). We describe the Gospel as “a personal relationship with Jesus” even though that term never appears in scripture. We increasingly focus on the softer, more relational aspects of the gospel while Christ’s demanding call to mission gets scant attention.
Why did you write a book for women?
Almost every Christian woman is praying for at least one man (father, husband, brother, son, uncle, etc.) who needs a closer walk with Christ. These women want to know why their men are so disinterested in church and what they can do about it.
What can women do about it?
First, women must understand that men’s hesitancy is not entirely their fault. Second, they must band together to bring about change in their congregations. (Many pastors would love to make their churches more man-friendly, but they fear the backlash that might result.) Finally, women need a better grasp of how men think, in order to sharpen their witness.
What do you mean?
Women often try to talk men into the Kingdom, when the scriptures recommend a silent witness (1 Peter 3). Women run most of the lay ministries in the church, so they program according to their needs. They decorate the sanctuary with flowers, quilts and lace. They ask boys to hold hands or they have a time where men are supposed to sit in a circle and share their feelings. I wrote this book so women would begin to support small cultural changes that will keep their men and boys engaged in church.
What impact are the high profile church sex scandals having on men’s participation?
They give some marginally religious men another excuse to put faith on the back burner. I don’t think men are staying away from church out of fear that they’ll be abused themselves, but it’s certainly sowed a seed of doubt. For example, there has been a marked decline in attendance at men’s overnight retreats in the past decade.
Why should pastors put extra emphasis on reaching men?
Here’s the “holy” answer: Because Jesus did. Now here’s the selfish answer: Men are the secret to a growing, healthy congregation.
Very good research
As a woman myself, who has run or help run several businesses, we do not need anymore Wuss-Among-us! We need real men who know who they are and Who’s they are in Christ! Men who understand what it truly means to be the head of a family and responsible to God for every family member! Yes, women are more educated than in years past, and they’re smart. Yes, they can make good and wise decisions. Run a household and a business. But how much more could a man do with a good woman like that who supports him and a woman with a wise husband who listens to her? Women are typically detail minded and men are right now fixers. But thoughtful women use their skills to see beyond the right now moments and can think thru the outcome of decisions and choices…a man would be wise to hear such wisdom and then think out their decisions. We should let our men be men, and our little boys play cowboys and Indians growing up and cops and robbers games, …maybe they will learn about the consequences of their decisions and we won’t be raising anymore lazy, confused, wussamongus , but men who know how to be real men, who know how and when to speak or fight or stand down…. Thank You Men for being MEN!
Let me add, also, that Christian men are not valued in our modern American evangelical churches. Pastors will get in front of congregations and make fun of men, call them stupid, perverted, and they literally trash men in front of the church behind the pulpit. It makes men feel denegrated and stupid. They don’t seem to understand that things go both ways. And also the way that women in our modern churches deal with men, talk bad about them, and undermine men. I no longer feel safe in a large modern evangelical church as a single Christian male because of the women’s attitudes and how they treat us. It’s really not fair.
I think that men in our modern American evangelical churches are looked down upon by women in the church. I Al so think that too much blame is put on men in church. You hear sermon after sermon on the faults and shortcomings of men , but also ost nothing on what women do that’s wrong. I also think that men are made to look stupid in our American churches. Women want to make choices in their own lives, but men get the blame for it.
Men should know that they are special to the kingdom of God.