4 kinds of conflict-resolving people

“He did it.” “No, she did it.”

Does this sound like your kids? How about your employees? Whether toddlers or 20-year employees, the reality is that conflict is inevitable. It’s not if, but how, you deal with it that defines you.

There are four kinds of conflict-resolving people.

The Wimp – You know these people that will do anything to avoid conflict. They’ll make an abrupt turn across the room. They’ll delay conversations hoping that the issue goes away. They’ll try to act as if nothing is wrong. They avoid conflict even when it’s right in front of their noses. The result is missed opportunities for growth, restoration and real depth of relationship.

The Driver – This is the person who pile-drives anyone getting in their way. They attack conflict like it’s their friend and desire to win the conflict by driving hard to get their way and their desired resolution. The result is a loss of relationship and trust and a path of destruction in their wake.

The Accommodator – This is the person who will compromise personal feelings, goals and convictions to get a resolution. They’ll take an attitude that peace is the ultimate goal. This person won’t feel good about the result but will feel good that the issue is over. The result is going through life being stepped on and not being all that God wants them to be.

The Winner – This is the person who has a plan and attacks the plan so that a win is achieved for all involved. This person looks to Matthew 18 as a guide to how to resolve conflict and is willing to have tough conversations and confrontations to achieve a win for all. The result? The process is not fun, but there is personal growth, held values and goals, and relationships are preserved, restored and glorifying to God.

Which style of conflict resolver are you?

Any other types you’d add to the list? Obviously, my personal favorite is The Winner. God thinks so, too, when he says in Matthew 5:9, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.” Next week we’ll look at steps you can take to be a winner in your conflict resolution.

Live well. Lead well.

EricRojasEric Rojas loves his role as the executive pastor of Christ Community Church in St. Charles, IL, where he oversees a staff of 120 and serves alongside Senior Pastor Jim Nicodem. He has been on staff at CCC since 2000. During his 20+ years of ministry, Rojas has served in churches as a youth pastor, adult ministries pastor, small groups pastor, associate pastor, worship pastor and men’s pastor. He is a contributing author for Group Publishing’s Men’s Ministry in the 21st Century and has written for various magazines and websites. Rojas also serves the church-at-large through consulting and seminar presenting. He has been married to his wife, Rachel, for 22 years. They have 3 children — Luke, 21; Adam, 19; and Chloe, 17. A man of faith, Rojas believes that next year is the year the Cubs will finally win the World Series.


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