Be the church that embraces children, not just tolerates them

By Sam S. Rainer III

There are two kinds of restaurants: those that embrace children, and those that tolerate children.

If you’re a parent — especially if you have multiple small children — then you know this reality. When my family of six storms a restaurant, I can tell immediately whether the establishment will embrace my children or tolerate them.

In a recent occurrence, the host looked at my brood with eyes wide: “Oh, my. You have … a lot of kids.” I was not offended. Serving large families at a restaurant is tough. Odds are at least one of my kids will have a meltdown before the food arrives, and a 100-percent probability exists that large portions of something will fall to the floor.

Rarely are we treated rudely, but I can tell which restaurants merely tolerate my children. I understand the tension. Feeding my kids is hard work. It’s why we pay money to have someone else do it! My wife and I don’t get angry; we just don’t return to the places where my kids are a burden. When we discover a restaurant that embraces children, we go back.

There are two kinds of churches: those that embrace children, and those that tolerate children

Most churches are not rude towards kids, and I’ve never seen a church sign stating “No Kids Allowed.” However, the families visiting your church will know whether you embrace their kids or not. The churches who welcome children have a higher likelihood of families returning — not just once, but often!

Embracing children means understanding that messy is healthy. Children do not learn to eat cleanly. They turn dining room tables into abstract impressionist works. More food ends up in the hair than in the mouth. You’ll need a hazmat suit to serve spaghetti. Children learning to take in God’s Word, learning to worship, learning to love Jesus are just as messy. The line of dirt on walls about two feet high is there because little hands are dragging as kids walk the halls. Messy is healthy.

Embracing children means valuing noise over perfection. Children make noise in worship. Children make noise in classes. Children make noise in the parking lot. They cry. They laugh loud. They scream and yell. Some churches tolerate the noise; other churches value the noise. I’ve heard of churches not allowing children below a certain age in the worship service. Try to bring an infant into the worship space, and they’ll stop you like an irate Pharisee with bad case of the Mondays.

Embracing children means protection at all costs. Child security is a discipleship issue — and one of the most important! If you believe in the Great Commission, then you will create robust security measures for children. Jesus says, “I am with you always.” A low-security church teaches children “I am with you sometimes.”

Embracing children means consistent promotion in multiple venues. Check your worship guide. What’s in there about children? Check your social media feeds, your email newsletter, and your worship service announcements. If kids aren’t there, then you’re not embracing children.

Embracing children means investing in KidMin. Is your children’s minister the lowest-paid ministry team member? Does your children’s budget match your worship budget? A church that embraces children will invest in the ministries supporting children. A church that tolerates children will give the monetary leftovers to them. If it’s easier to cut your children’s budget than your technology budget, then you likely aren’t embracing children in your church.

Embracing children means understanding church at their level. A lot of churches will seek out the perspective of parents. You should! Helping parents create God-centered homes and not child-centered homes is one of the core elements of family discipleship. However, you shouldn’t neglect the perspective of a child. Ask about their experiences, their feelings, and their opinions. When you understand church at the level of a child, you’re better positioned to guide the child towards Christ.

In Luke 18, Jesus invited the children. In Mark 10, Jesus embraced the children. Churches that welcome and embrace children are like Jesus. In fact, Jesus becomes angry at the disciples for discounting the value of children.

The next time a child cries out in church, don’t get angry at the child. Get angry at the person who is angry at the child. Children are a blessing, so churches should make them a priority. Be the church that embraces children, not just tolerates them.


Sam RainerSam S. Rainer III serves as lead pastor of West Bradenton Baptist Church. He is also the president of Church Answers and co-founder/co-owner of Rainer Publishing. His desire is to provide answers for better church health.

Rainer is author of Obstacles in the Established Church and the co-author of Essential Church. He is an editorial advisor/contributor at Church Executive Magazine and has also served as a consulting editor at Outreach Magazine.

Rainer teaches at Southern Seminary and has written more than 150 articles on church health for numerous publications. He is a frequent conference speaker.

Before submitting to the call of ministry, Rainer worked in a procurement consulting role for Fortune 1000 companies.

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One Response to “Be the church that embraces children, not just tolerates them”

  1. Actually, there is a third category. I’ve often observed and said that there are three kinds of churches when it comes to children. Those who tolerate children, those who accommodate children, and those who embrace children. There are key and unmistakable differences between that second and third category. Our present church has as a core value that “We unapologetically put kids first as ministry partners.” I could give you a long list of specific examples of how we live out this ideal. But suffice it too say that there are too few churches that really embrace children to this degree.

    In my experience, most churches with children’s ministries mostly tolerate children. They most certainly have people within children’s ministry that love children and want what is best for them. But the overall church is mostly tolerant.

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